I AM

REAL ME? ahmmm...nothing so special about me...I am a person who is tough yet inside, is very weak. I always use to hide my feelings so that others won't see the real emotions I have. Very sarcastic, isn't it?? I'm sarcastic in a way, I would not choose to let others know what I really feel inside but not in a way, I would be a backstabber to them. I can be a good companion to anyone as long as I will be accepted as my real personality is being shown. I'm the most sensitive person you've ever met but actually, it does not really show outside since I keep it inside. I always smile and laugh just like nothing really strikes me badly. I try those things just to hide my emotional condition. It really hurts when I'm wanting something yet I could not do it because something is delaying it. It's not actually a hindrance but I really have to do it because that something is very important among other things to do. I really HATE the feeling of being the LEAST among all. It's just like I was the worst and most stupid among them. I feel my heart beats fast and my whole body is being stiffed as if I was in a comatose stage. It's just like my entire world will destroy after a few seconds of my movements. Tsk...>_< Hay...I become so sad easily and it will last for many days. I don't know why but all I can say is that I really don't like to feel so sad because even my physical appearance doesn't show it, my actions speak for it. I am so pessimistic. I pull myself down and I hate myself for that. I have a connotation that once I did something, it won't succeed, even if I exert lots of effort to it. So stupid, isn't it? wheeeww...=( ... Everything I did was unappreciated. I want to gain all the things I want but it's not the way how it is. When I'm aiming for something, it is never been granted. ='( ... I'm so emotional. Sometimes, I was been carried away because of my emotional condition. I do things which I regret at the end of my anguish. Honestly, I really don't like my personality. I think, I have a disorder and I hate it so badly. I don't know how to change it but I hope it won't get worse because if that thing will happen, I rather to choose to die than be like that.