undesirable moment

I hate it! wooohhh… I’m so angry right now! What a stupid thing happened! Tsk… Why in the world there are so many people who do very bad things and hurt their fellows?!!! I want to kill and torture them! Waaaahhh...Just because of that thing, I cry hardly and you know what, that’s the time I cry again so badly. I don’t know what to do but to cry and cry. Why is that thing happen to me? It's a very very unlucky moment I ever had! It's just like I was been tormented by many and I can't do anything to save myself. That's my first time to have that kind of experience and I was been traumatized because of that. I'm a type of person who likes to be independent most of the time but now, I'm afraid to be because now I know that I can't protect myself. I used to be a person who is strong and I know can manage my own self but because of that thing, I realize I cannot secure my own things when misfortune strikes. I'm not responsible enough and I hate myself for that. I'm so stupid and feeble-minded. It won't happen if I am so careful with my things. I hate myself so much. I'm ashamed of myself and feeling guilty for my parents because they discipline me very much and teach me substantially but I never mind those lessons which they taught to me. If only I can turn back the time, i'll definitely do it so that I will be more careful and disciple about myself but things can't go back. It's all ready a BYGONE and past is past.

What a heavy feeling I have right now. woooohh...It hurts me so much!! I can't accept the fact that I lost something which is very significant and useful to me. Honestly, I can't let go that moment and I won't ever be. If only I have a power to locate that nasty piece of work, i'll kill him! tsk... I really don't like it! I hope it won't happen again because if it will, I take a suicide. (just kidding! hahahaha...)

My happiness

Not only in physical and emotional states but also in spiritual matters, I am happy. Before, I usually say I’m not yet contented and happy with what I have but now, I realize that many things give me so much reason to be happy. Honestly, I’m a type of person who is very materialistic. I want all my favorite possessions be granted. I’m not contented with few things but many. I want to have all the trends in this world. That’s why before my implication about being happy is to have all my desires. Although I keep on aiming to have lots of material things in this world and I am still not contented about those stuffs, I was given so much happiness by my family, friends and GOD who stick to me whatever happens. To know that kind of thing, I become so overwhelm and gratified. Sometimes, I am sad because I can’t have the material things which I am aiming for but come to think of it, even if I get my aspired stuff, I don’t really feel a last long happiness. It’s just like I became happy just for a short period of time and that’s it, after that I will still continue on asking for more material things in this world and I think it won’t be stop unless all the material things in this world will vanish which is very impossible to happen. Isn’t it? Unlike the happiness which was supplied by my loved ones and GOD, it lasts for a very long time and sometimes, it brings me tears of joy because of the happiness which I feel because of them. It’s good to know that I have a source of happiness and I feel so lucky to have them.

IMPATIENT, LIVID and TOO EMOTIONAL

Do you ever feel too much emotion that came to the point you can never express your anger because SOMETHING hinders it?! *sigh* rrrgggh… The thing that I hate the most is keeping my anger inside and could not been showed to everyone. I hate it so much!!! It kills me badly!! If killing is not a sin, then I will do it! Promise! I become so LIVID and FURIOUS everytime I cannot express my ANGER. It’s just like my heart will burst at the time my patience exceeds to the limit or I will cry hardly not because I was hurt but because I was been hindered to HURT by SOMETHING ELSE. I blackout and say everything I want TACTLESSLY when I am angry. I don’t really mind if I will hurt someone when my fury strikes because I think, that is much better. Is it evil much?! Not really! I think that is the real attitude of someone who is very irritated and upset. I really hate people who are very DOMINANT above the rest and who make me WAIT for NOTHING because I am so IMPATIENT in comes with it. I don’t like to be under with those people who are worse than me because they don’t have any right to oversee since they are worse. Right?! If they will rule, I think that is very IRONIC. Hayyy… There is still a heavy feeling of anger left inside of me that’s why I am so paranoid at this moment. I still think the times I became so livid. I want to take revenge since I was been thwarted. Woooohhhh... what a headache! *ouch* why in the world when I became so furious, it lasts for a very long time, I almost lay the blame of my anger to other things or to other people and I can’t get over about it?? Waaahhhh… *grumble* If I can only do everything I want, may be I will be satisfied but it’s not the way it is that’s why I still can’t get over about the fury I had since I did not express it. *moan & sigh*