I hate the feeling of being insecure to somebody. It kills me a lot. It’s just like I was trap in the middle of nowhere and I can find my way home. I can’t resist it. I can’t get out of it. I don’t know what to do but to keep on thinking those people who I envy most. It intimidates me so much and I hate myself for that. The thing that I envy is not as simple as that. It’s about friendship which lasts. Whenever I see group of people who are so close to one another, hanging together and are always there for each other, I always think I want to have that kind of group. Although right now I have this group of mine who is fun to be with and we do those kinds of stuff, there is still a part of me which really feels insecured. *sigh* >_< … I’m so paranoid. I am always looking for something which I all ready have but actually, it is not the same thing. Yeah, there is a similarity but the entire of it is not. There is something that I’ve been looking for more than those things. May be the SATISFACTION and WELFARE which I would get from them are the things that I am looking for. Actually, I feel the care and concern from them but honestly, I’m not so satisfied about it. Rrgggh!!! What is happening to me?! Crazy, crazy, crazy!! *moan* I want to stop this kind of capricious thing!! I hate myself because I am always asking for more than of it. I don’t know what the hell I am thinking that I say I’m not satisfied about it. Am I really paranoid or just being controlled by my envious emotion?! Hayyyy…whatever! I will just pause for a while, take a deep breath and think prudently about it. Right?! Yeah, yeah right! =)
F.Y.I. Being envious of mine is not meant to hurt someone. I'm just so insecured and aimed to have something what others have.
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